My Top 5 Best Heavy Quotes
Team Fortress 2 is packed with some of the funniest incidental dialogue in any game ever, each class having a uniquely flavorful and humorous response for just about every situation whether it be a frag or a flag capture or a successful defense of a control point. While the Heavy weapons guy isn’t even close to being my primary class (that dubious honor would go to the medic, thanks medic pack!), his quips are by far my favorite of the bunch. Here are my Top 5 Heavy Quotes.
5. “What sick man sends babies to fight me?”
The Heavy is a big dude. So big that he refers to every other class as a baby. It follows that a sizable heavy chunk of his exposition involves calling his enemies babies. This one in particular happens only when you kill more than 2 guys in 20 seconds, which is not a difficult feat to accomplish considering the size of fattie’s heavy weapon.
4. “I hear someone building diaper-changing station!”
Staying true to the infant motif, this quote is a bit more difficult to come across as it involves an engineer (probably an enemy one) building a dispenser within proximity to the heavy. Personally I have not come across this one in my games, but this taunt needs no explanation as to why it’s awesome.
3. “I LOVE this doctor!”
The medic was always touted in the community as a natural partner for the Heavy. The HWG often echoes that same sentiment with this saying almost every time the medic heals him. Which is a lot. How does Valve solve this potentially repetitive dialogue pitfall? With broken english of course – it makes everything funny. I LOVE this line.
2. “Spy is not our spy!”
What’s this even mean? I see an enemy spy? There’s a spy sappin’ mah sentry? Our spy is being imitated by an enemy spy? Broken english, this time in the oft-used voice commands, makes this brain bursting phrase my number 2.
1. “We must push little cart!”
The payload game type is a slight variant on the attack-defend control point game type, featuring the escorting of the “little cart” toward the enemy base. Payload games typically involve the offense fighting tooth and nail to try to break through the defending team’s often thoroughly entrenched engineer sentry gun matrices. In that regard, the Heavy is actually a pretty good class to play on offense in this type, with his call to arms being “We must push little cart!” as he runs toward the mine cart with the rest of his cartoon team.
Honorable Mention: “Come to band-wagon!”
The actual response in game is “Come to bomb-wagon”, but I could have sworn I heard as “Come to band wagon” which is 100% better than “Come to bomb-wagon”. If it was actually band-wagon, it would have made the list without question instead of being relegated to the “so close yet so far” list of one. Too bad, I guess.
