5. “What sick man sends babies to fight me?”

The Heavy is a big dude.  So big that he refers to every other class as a baby.  It follows that a sizable heavy chunk of his exposition involves calling his enemies babies.  This one in particular happens only when you kill more than 2 guys in 20 seconds, which is not a difficult feat to accomplish considering the size of fattie’s heavy weapon.

4.  “I hear someone building diaper-changing station!”

Staying true to the infant motif, this quote is a bit more difficult to come across as it involves an engineer (probably an enemy one) building a dispenser within proximity to the heavy.  Personally I have not come across this one in my games, but this taunt needs no explanation as to why it’s awesome.

3.  “I LOVE this doctor!”

The medic was always touted in the community as a natural partner for the Heavy.  The HWG often echoes that same sentiment with this saying almost every time the medic heals him.  Which is a lot.  How does Valve solve this potentially repetitive dialogue pitfall?  With broken english of course – it makes everything funny.  I LOVE this line.

2.  “Spy is not our spy!”

What’s this even mean?  I see an enemy spy?  There’s a spy sappin’ mah sentry?  Our spy is being imitated by an enemy spy?  Broken english, this time in the oft-used voice commands, makes this brain bursting phrase my number 2.

1.  “We must push little cart!”

The payload game type is a slight variant on the attack-defend control point game type, featuring the escorting of the “little cart” toward the enemy base.  Payload games typically involve the offense fighting tooth and nail to try to break through the defending team’s often thoroughly entrenched engineer sentry gun matrices.  In that regard, the Heavy is actually a pretty good class to play on offense in this type, with his call to arms being “We must push little cart!” as he runs toward the mine cart with the rest of his cartoon team.

Honorable Mention: “Come to band-wagon!”

The actual response in game is “Come to bomb-wagon”, but I could have sworn I heard as “Come to band wagon” which is 100% better than “Come to bomb-wagon”.  If it was actually band-wagon, it would have made the list without question instead of being relegated to the “so close yet so far” list of one.  Too bad, I guess.

Ok, not quite true as I’ve still been playing a hell of a lot of Soul Calibur (win percentage up to 43%…woot!). Instead, the highlight this week for me was Team Fortress 2 and the new content update featuring the the Heavy weapons guy.

Team Fortress 2 is my Counterstrike.  That is, it’s the game where I start up on a whim and play for bite-sized sessions at a time.  Whether it be a quick game before dinner or in between other activities, it’s a very low commitment game for me that I don’t need to devote a lot of time to like WoW and most console games.  In the past few months, my playtime has been following the pattern of weeks of only a handful of games followed by an exceedingly larger spike coinciding with every TF2 class update:  It happened with the Medic update back in April, again in June with the Pyro update, and finally this week with the update to the Heavy class.  While I wouldn’t go so far to say that I’m tired of playing, it’s almost as if each new patch is a new lease on life for my interest in the game.  Valve is able to do this by introducing new, different, and sometimes hilarious weapons for the classes unlockable by manageable-yet-often-absurd achievements introduced in each patch.  While I’m generally not too fond of using achievements to lock away new content (it often forces you to play the game in a way that it’s not meant to be played), Valve has found a good balance in making the quest for new weaponry challenging but not overbearing.  Twenty-two out of thirty-six achievements for all of the weapons is a far better solution than the full 36 required for medic pack achievements.  Which I did successfully but only with the help of some games in purely “achievement farming” maps.  Thankfully, the Pyro and Heavy pack did not follow the same philosophy and force me into those sort of games: all of those achievements were achieved legitimately.  Even the taunt-kill ones, which were honestly hilarious to pull off in a real game environment.

The Heavy pack was particularly enjoyable because this patch more than any previous one showcased TF2′s great sense of humor.  Case in point: the first unlockable in the Heavy pack is the Sandvich.  Which is, well, just a sandwich that replaces your normal shotgun.

The best funnies seem to be centered around the Heavy since he’s sort of the stereotypical lovable eastern European big oaf that speaks in broken English.  But he’s such an integral part of giving Team Fortress 2 its unique feel.  Point 2: the “Meet the Sandvich” video.

Anyway, I am thorougly enjoying this update.  Great stuff, Valve.  Keep up the great work!

P.S.  I’m not yet finished Bionic Commando: Rearmed, but I assure you the review is coming along with some other bonus stuff.